It seems like every single person in my life has a different version of me than everyone else in my life. We all tread some fine lines in our relationships, some people don't need to know some things. But this is different than that. I'm not sure if it's a human condition, so to speak, or if I actually am in the minority in this way. Either way, I wanted some place I could go and just let it all hang out. I'm not planning to tell anyone I know or who knows me about this little slice of the world wide web, it's gonna be a place I can come and vent, ruminate, plan, let it out, take it in, reminisce, and whatever else.
I have been married and divorced, I've raised some children mostly on my own, I have worked in the art and music scene for over 30 years - as a visual artist and branding expert and as a producer, performer, and promoter. As such, it should come as no surprise that I am, of course, a lifelong fan of both art and music alike. For my day job or bread'n'butter or whatever you want to call it, I have worked in nearly every facet of customer service and spent a number of years as a professional driver. I am - as of this entry - what is considered middle aged. I am without question overweight. Despite being overweight, I don't hate the way I look while somehow simlutaneously having huge body dysmorphia issues. I am a high functiong alcoholic. I like to smoke weed when I can find it - even/especially Delta8. I have tried every drug in the book, and I had a 3 year deep and meaningful relationship with methamphetamine at one point. I identify as a straight male and most of my thoughts, desires, feelings, habits, etc are alligned as such. I do love just looking at damn good looking people, however, and I have no issues complimenting anyone across the spectrum on anything about them - physical or otherwise - that I find attractive. I have had more than one homosexual experience, but consider myself generally straight, all said and done. All of that being said, I identify mostly as a Gray Ace and most specifically as demisexual. All of THAT being said, I feel like we, as humans, spend far too much time looking at sex as a goal to be reached, prize to be won, identity to be rigidly defined, box to be squarely housed in, etc. It's as natural as it is for whoever you are wherever you are doing whatever you are, there's no right way or wrong way in any aspect and if we all just settled the fuck down about defining ourselves in such intimate and detailed ways, perhaps we could get back to talking about where we are alike and how we can work together. I don't know. All evidence points in a different direction, but I'm a bit of an idealistic daydreamer and it's fun to think about, at least.
I am essentially non-religious. Insomuchas, I don't have a faith system that can be named which I subscribe to. I definitely do not believe in god in the traditional sense, or any deity that is perceived in a similar fashion. I also am not anti-religion, I definitely have a sense of spirit - both personally and with regard to those around me, even (and especially) including animals and plants and shit like that. I am not a hippie or new-ager, to be clear though. At the end of the day, I just think being a good and decent person is a human trait we have lost sight of and handle on. I don't think when I die that that's the end, but I don't look at anything after dying as an afterlife. Energy has to go somewhere, is all I'm really saying, as far as death and dying go. Where? Fuck if I know.
This developed into less of an about me section and more of an about how I think section. Hopefully that works for ya. Tough luck if it don't.