Man, what a weird couple of days it has been. Welcome in February. The shortest month of the year, and I've always said that's for good reason. Here in the Midwest USA it is about as cold as it gets at that point in winter, it makes sense to make that month its own smaller thing. But. I was born in February, as well, and I mean, at this point, there's nothin' to celebrate there, hurry along now, nothing to see here.
At any rate, I redacted my entry from the 27th. The whole point of this slice of internet pie for me is to get away from the me that has happened to come about as a result of all of that.
For as long as I've been online and for as much of an increasingly large footprint I feel I'm making, I've also been wrestling with erasing my internet self and starting over, or creating a new secret hideout on the intertubes as a known dude that can only be found if you know how to search, to getting offline entirely with my footprint still managing to have a digital imprint... I don't know...
It is difficult to find a space, as a middle aged fulltime single father, where you can be your true self, open and honest and vulnerable. That's a big reason behind the search for a sort of pseudo-anonymity with this space here, I suppose, at this point. I have done those things, those things no longer define me or my lifestyle. I'm not sure a good majority of the things I did and relationships I had during that time were anything other than necessity. No disrespect if you're reading this and you think it's about you or not about you enough. But I've been on survival mode for 3 mouths for the better part of two decades, that's a hard habit to break, a hard worldview to just set aside.