JOURNAL

This journal entry has been a daunting task. I've always just used the online editor when it comes to the old web sites like Geocities, Tripod, etc. And Neocities has been no different. I've never really had a reason to not use it, it works fine and does what it needs to do. But my PC is a real bitch. Increasingly so more often lately. It likes to crash at random for no known reason. I believe it's due to overheating when there's "too many" processes running, but I haven't had this confirmed. That said, it's definitely always hot when it crashes and it's always when I've got a multiple tab scenario going with audio and video. It really doesn't like doing a lot of visual stuff all at once, which is no surprise, it doesn't have a dedicated graphics card worth a shit to speak of. All this to say, it has made me pursue different avenues of updating my site. Offline editors and the like. I haven't had enough time to sit down and devote real time to learning that whole side of things enough to feel comfortable moving forward with it for this entry - but this entry needs to happen. So I'm typing it all up in Notepad with most of the coding necessary and then will go finish and finetune everything after. Hopefully if I save this thing enough times along the way and then copy and paste the bulk of the text and follow that up with tweaking the finer details online, I'll actually get this entry finally added and completed and out of my way - in its new form, which would have been a few entries otherwise. Fingers crossed.

Since my last entry, my oldest moved and didn't require my help. I ain't terribly mad at it. I have a back injury from a job some years back that will likely be an issue for the rest of my life and moving homes is not a thing that is easy or that agrees with chronic pain of any kind. That said, she's been in her new place a week as of today and I got to go over and visit and check it out. It's a cute and spacious studio in an old house. High ceilings and awesome molding on the bottom half of the walls. Spacious as all heck for a studio - generous main space that is both the bedroom and the living room, super nice sized kitchen for a studio that was all recently remodeled, larger and more modern than normal bathroom for these kinds of spaces as well. It's not in the best part of town, but it's also not the worst part of town. And she's tucked way back off the main drag and really sort of secluded in general but especially compared to the rest of the units in the house. And there's ample locking on the door and the windows are all really pretty difficult to get to as a passer by. So I'm comforted in that, in addition to just how nice of a spot it is. Really really proud of her for crushing life after having a real tough go some years back. She decided she needed to live on her own for a while - no room mates or significant other or family - and she made that shit happen. And in style, no less. We played board games and ate pizza and laughed - myself, her, and my youngest - and it was a nie change of pace from the grind of life.

Speaking of my youngest, they have been out of the psych ward (for the second time) and, wow, has there been some growth and change in the week since they got out. At least growth and change that I've not previously been privy to or really able to see until now. And which clearly has been happening in the eight months since they moved out of my place. They are getting out of the awful relationship dynamic and living scenario they were in - which, in no small part, was a big piece of why they ended up back in the psych ward. So I am super grateful for that. The whole scenario for their next move initially felt a little sudden and abrupt and ill planned and probably not a safe idea. But that seems to be quite the opposite, actually. They are moving halfway across country with someone they've known longer than the people they were living and emotionally involved with recently. Someone who has been supportive through them coming out as trans and being there even before it was really a shared thought outside of my youngest's mind that they were feeling that type of way. I would be lying if I said I wasn't terribly worried. Any big move is a hige life change. Especially for someone dealing with elevated mental health concerns and so fresh out of treatment and exiting such a tumultuous dynamic and scenario. Add to that being someone who is marginalized, like being trans. But this has actually been on the slow build in the background for a while now, I just didn't know about it and it kind of - admittedly, on their part - happened a little faster than originally planned. That said. There is no detail that they didn't look at, address, plan for and around, and so on. I mean... I couldn't possibly feel any better about any plan for them leaving where they've been than the one they embarked on today after we got together at their sisters place and laughed and ate pizza and played board games. They are nervous and excited and I'd be worried if they weren't both. I am, too. But I am hopeful and confident this will, ultimately, be a good life experience and necessary change. It was tough to see them go, though. I can't lie. But. The plan, at least right now, is a temporaray long distance move and reset and then to come back to the region - not the hometown or crowd - and go back to school. So it's not forever and there's no lack of long term consideration. Bittersweet. The heart is both a little more empty and a little more full.

In other news. Because I apparently care more about documenting food experiences these days than ever before, I have had a few interesting meals lately.

One day last week I was taking the bus to go get a few groceries. I had planned on stopping off at some restaurant along the way that I'd not eaten at before to get a bite for dinner. On the bus ride we passed a section of closed off streets where a bunch of people, tents, food trucks, and a sound system with a stage were set up. I had somehow missed the memo about this open streets event happening just a few blocks from my front door. At any rate, I got off at the next stop and trekked back to the area. There was a family gospel act performing some soulful and soul filled renditions of the classics, truly a talented group. Then a DJ got on and played a bunch of 80s and 90s hip hop, pop, and r&b classics - all really mashed up well! I didn't check the tents out so much, but there looked to be a lot of small business and independent artists and crafters showcasing their works along with tables set up with community resources - and even some folks walking around on stilts. And then, the food trucks. Oh the food trucks. I'm a sucker for a good food truck, let's just get that out of the way. And, man, there were like 40 of them. I spent nearly an hour walking around them all and reading the menus and looking at the prices and noticing where people were gravitating. Until I found a gyro food truck from a company I'd never heard of before. Second only to pizza, gyros are my favorite type of food. And I love me a good new gyro experience. So I did what had to be done and got me one of their gyros and some fries. I was hoping it would be something to really rant and rave about or gripe about, but the gyro and fries were pretty middle of the road, honestly. That's not a complaint, I'll take a middle of the road gyro over most things. Any day. But. It was nice to eat it on the open streets not far from home surrounded by a bunch of neighbors listening to some well mixed and mashed up classics.

Then another day semi-recently I found myself by a middle eastern restaurant I had not eaten at before but heard plenty of good things about, so I took the opportunity to check it out. I typically am pretty cautious about restaurant chains that claim to be ethnic. It's hard to stay authentic when you franchise literally anything, in my opinion. But I was pleasantly surprised. It definitely has an Amercanized feel all around but the food still had robust ethnic flavors and treatment and presentation. And man... It was soooo tasty. It's not too terribly far from my place, so I will definnitely be going back and trying out some of their other dishes. This was just a stuffed pita sandwhich with chicken and a bunch of atypical - at least in terms of American fare - veggies, sauces, and seasonigs. And the fries are to die for.

And then, there's this. I picked up some cheap bites at the local dollar store. I know not to expect much from dollar store food. Half of the time it's barely passable as food. But when you have a poor moment, are in a rush, are high or drunk, or simply don't care at that time - you do what needs to be done. And I did just that. But will you look at this. I literally got half a burger patty on my cheese burger! What. The. Fuck.

And this holiday weekend here in the states ain't much of a real holiday anymore. I get the day off on Monday, luckily. But I am literally the only person I know who does. How ironic. And sad. And it's projected to be over 100°F where I live. That's obscene anywhere in the USA in September. But there has literally never been a September day in documented history of temps in the 100° range where I live. So, yeah. CLimate change, etc. But let's be real here - I simply can't stand the heat and humidity and this is just cruel and unusual punishment at this point.