JOURNAL

Do not ever ask anyone for anything. Additionally, never expect anything from anybody. Lastly, accept no thing from no one ever.

I'm pretty sure that's the key to happiness, as I am much happier when I follow those three simple rules.

I am no longer asking for anything from anyone in my house. I rarely ever do, to begin with. Probably not on the battelfield, either. When I do, it is entirely out of necessity to facilitate some other necessity like going to work or paying rent. But I'm not doing it anymore. I have been working on scheduling my time out further than two weeks for even the most mundane of tasks like grcoery delivery. I will figure it out on my own, whatever it is. I am tired of asking for something as simple as an answer to a basic "yes" or "no" question and being served unrelated, irrelevant, and useless information in the form of an "answer". Only to have to go and figure the real answer - or whatever else - out for myself on my own and to later find the "answer" - or whatever else - I was given being pulled from a back pocket as some favor I was given that now needs to be repaid - typically very disproportionately.

Probably gonna have to have the "old person" talk with our mother soon. She lost a bunch of her retirement in the stock market crash some years back. I'd be upset, too. But she has weaponized it for her entire life. She's not someone you just sit down and have an open conversation with. Like I said, she weaponized the fact that she lost retirement funds in the stock market crash. Everything is tied to that. I was born 40 years prior, but somehow I'm tied to it. Etcetera.

Not many things better than having a whole team of supervisors tell you you can't do a thing for work and systematically shutting them down and showing them exactly where they're wrong and why we now have to do these things we're "never supposed to do". Is that mud on your face? Shit? That you have to now eat? Oh, I'm sorry.

It is so fucking hard for me to not just tell everyone to fuck off, but it shouldn't be. Also, I shouldn't need to.