JOURNAL

I started writing my book. If I can't get myself to draw and when there's just nothing that needs to be done to this site, my creative efforts will go into the book. Until they don't.

I have been having restless fits in my sleep the last couple of nights. Borderline lucid dreaming met with a weird sort of sleep anti-paralysis, I don't know. My body is moving, anxious and frantic, but I can't control it even though I'm damn near full on lucid dreaming. It's so weird. I wake up in the morning with no pillow, no blanket, and the bedsheet is not snug - instead it's bunched up in a ball and I've been sleeping on just the mattress. I think last night was night three. One night I hadn't had a drink at all that day, so I thought that might be it. But, I've consumed my typical amount the other days, so that's not it.

Had to say goodbye to a family member a couple of days ago. Bittersweet is an understatement. I haven't cried yet. I don't know that I will. I loved that motherfucker, but he complicated the life of my family so goddamned much that it's honestly kind of a relief he's gone. That sounds so crass to see typed out, but it's the reality. I will miss him greatly, and for a long time. But I will rejoice and revel in the lifted weight and removed obstacles that he previously brought to my life, our life.