JOURNAL

I've been feeling very alone lately. Which is saying something, because I've always managed to be comfortable in my own skin. Social shit was actually the hard stuff for me. Sometimes it would take literal days for me to fully recover from social gatherings with lots of people and stimuli.

I thought the socializing at work would be enough to suffice, after going into office after working from home and/or being unemployed and/or learning remotely for the last ALMOST three years.

It's not. It's asinine and benign and shallow and, at it's best, this weird hyper comedic overflow that is initially welcome but quickly becomes too much. And it's just... I don't know... Some people (most people) just try SO hard, and for what. I don't understand.

In a sort of extrapolated and questionably tangent related realm, I've really begun to struggle with what I thought were genuine relationships online.

I lost my job just over three months into the pandemic. I was driving boxtruck. The market was flooded with drivers and barren of jobs. The pandemic didn't help. I eventually thought going to school might be a good idea, so I enrolled in online learning to earn a medical coding degree. That did not pan out well for me for some scheduling reasons, but mostly for some discipline reasons. I eventuallty found a job working remotely doing customer support over the phone.

Here I am working in a cubicle and on the phone most of the day.

WTF.