JOURNAL

I feel like I might be journaling too much and generally working on the site too much. By "too much", I mean in the way that others might perceive the time I'm investing and information I'm sharing. At the same time, I don't really want to care - even though it's in the back of my mind. But dammit, this is my website. I can do as much or as little with it as I so desire. So fuckit.

I called out to work today. Think I got a mild case of food poisoning from the food I ate at my daughter's place over Christmas. One of the steaks her boyfriend made - the one I actually ate some of - was pretty suspect in it's internal temp and overall preparation. I like my meat pink as it'll get served to me, but think this one might have been sitting out a bit long before it got (under) cooked, as well. Nothing major on my end. Mild case of diarrhea, but still horrible to deal with. Vomitted a couple times and was pretty nauseous late last night and into the first part of today. Additionally, just having a rough mental health day today. Can't miss anymore work this week though, got rent to pay. And probably pushed it to the absolute limit at the workplace with this call out. If they don't fire me, it will be an occasion to rejoice.

Really feeling kind of lost not being Daddy anymore. I'll always be Dad. My kids will always need me. I know this. But not being Daddy anymore. Having a tough time coming to terms with that. For 18+ years I've been the one in charge of steering the ship and keeping my kids happy and healthy and fed and clothed and all that. I have never felt more important or with purpose ever in my life. And now, more or less, it's gone. And I don't know what the fuck to do. No real aim or goal right now. I can't really draw or create - outside of mixing tunes and working on this website, anyhow. Everything seems so pointless until I have something coming up with one or both of my kids that's outside of the norm.

Looking forward to going and painting this summer though. That's something. I should keep that more at the forefront of my mind.

TODAY

INTAKE

Marie Callender's Slow Simmered Rigatoni Bolognese Bowl

Two Diet Mountain Dew 16.9 oz.

24 oz. of water

Five Natural Ice tallboys, 16 oz.

OUTPUT

2500 steps