JOURNAL

Well. There went almost an entire month without a journal entry. Not for lack of material worth writing about, that's for sure. Just lost a lot of innitiative and drive and desire to work on the ole website in any fashion whatsoever for a while there. I think the tide has turned a little bit, at least, in that regard though.

The day before yesterday when I got off the bus I witnessed a guy getting the beatdown to end all beatdowns. He was being assaulted by six or seven other guys and in a fashion I've never seen in real life. To be honest, I'm not sure he survived it. I was not about to get involved but I could not help but witness it as I walked from my bus stop passed the bus stop where it was happening on my trek home. I heard sirens as soon as I stepped off the bus and by the time I got passed the beatdown the cops had passed me and rolled up on the itersection where it was occuring, so clearly it had been going on for a fair bit of time. I live in the hood, legit, and the cops are almost never quick to respond, sadly. Between the two bus stops and general activity going on at the intersection, there were at least fifty onlookers who were also doing nothing but watching and filming. What a fucking weird world we live in.

I have no idea why this guy was getting the beatdown of the century but it was violent in a way I've never seen in real life with my own two eyes. You know in movies or, especially, video games like Mortal Kombat, when someone is getting kicked or punched and you see huge amounts of blood go flying and sometimes it almost looks like it's pooling and congealing in the air? Yeah, that. So musch blood. And in the time it took me to get passed the whole ordeal, this dude got his head stomped on by six or seven dudes at least twenty times. While his head was on concrete. In a pool of his own blood.

I don't know how to even put it into words to explain just how gruesome and violent it was. And it was happening in broad daylight at one of the busiest intersections in the area at 2:30 in the afternoon and it felt like it was just standard fare of any given day, jusging by the way people were reacting who were witnessing it.

In a perfect world I would have stepped in and tried to quell things, but I'm not an idiot. I'm aware that I'm of a different race and much older and with some physical issues that would make it impossible for me to defend myself. And I sure as shit wouldn't be allowed to intervene, anyhow. It's just so sad that this is the world we live in, the neighborhood I have no choice to live it. At least for now. And it's taken me a couple of days to realize just how much seeing it has impacted me. It was traumatic. No where near as traumatic as it was for the guy who got the everliving shit beat out of him, of course. But traumatic, all the same.

And if that weren't enough, I talked to my youngest kid today. They moved half a country away a month ago. Initially, I thought it would be a good change of pace and scenery for them. And I think it was, at first. But they are stuggling terribly hard being there, basically in the middle of nowhere, knowing only one person and being trans and not having much money and no job prospects. I am really concerned they will end up back in the psych ward and I don't think it would be as good of an experience - if there is such a thing as a good experience when it comes to the psych ward - as it was when they landed there here. It's a different climate there, in terms of acceptance and understanding of the queer community, no question.

I really want to get a plane ticket to go visit them for at least a couple of days. Help them get some adulting things sewn up, which would benefit them greatly, help them obtain some support and resources, which would also benefit them greatly, and just spend a little time being dad for them. But I can't afford it. After paying bills and rent, I have $1.37 to my name. No joke.

If you're reading this and are in a position to help, I've priced roundtrip plane tickes out somewhere between $500-800 depending on what day and time I would leave and how soon I would do so, it would be forever appreciated in ways I can't verbalize. No matter the amount you would be able to help.

In more positive news, we had the biggest thunderstorm of the entire year this morning and well into the afternoon. And. Another big one just rolled into town. I absolutely adore a good thunderstorm.